Ain’t Nothin’ Like the Real Thing

Watch that hand, buddy!

Am I the only person who finds this to be more than slightly disturbing? Since this girl could probably find a boyfriend if she wanted one, does this mean she prefers a pillow to a warm-blooded male?

Michigan-based Deluxe Comfort has introduced the Boyfriend Body Pillow. Deluxe Comfort describes the object as “a soft body pillow that looks like the torso of a man with a comforting arm that cuddles and holds you throughout the night.” The headless half-torso is touted for “people whose partner is away on military leave or work absence.” The pillow is also recommended for “singles, who desire to feel the touch of a man, without actually having to be with one.”

Ack! If my man had a torso like that, I’d buy him a gym membership for Christmas.

Pros:
A pillow doesn’t hold the remote in a death grip.
A pillow doesn’t fill the DVR with its favorite shows and rush you to watch everything you’ve DVR’d so that it can record more of what it likes.
A pillow doesn’t refuse to buy new clothes every decade or so.
A pillow doesn’t argue.
A pillow weighs about two pounds and costs $34.95. It’s highly portable, and it doesn’t eat anything – ever.
A pillow doesn’t snore or release noxious odors.
A pillow can be thrown away. No divorce is necessary.

This is a “sculpted torso”?

Cons:
A pillow can’t hug you back.
A pillow can’t talk.
A pillow is cold.
A pillow can’t love you.
A pillow can’t give you children.
A pillow doesn’t care if you’re sick.
A pillow can’t go to a movie with you (unless you wish to be the object of ridicule).
A pillow can’t mow the yard, fix the car, or hang pictures.

I think I’ll keep hubby – unless someone invents a Darcy pillow. Ha!

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9 thoughts on “Ain’t Nothin’ Like the Real Thing

  1. I think you “Cons” list is actually the “Pros” list for a lot of women who don’t really want a boyfriend/husband, they just want a semblance of one. “I want what i want when I want it.” That’s the American motto these days.

    • I actually thought of that when I was writing it. Both lists would be switched by some women. For instance, “The pillow can’t talk,” could be considered a “pro” by some women but a “con” by others. Maybe their husbands or boyfriends won’t shut up. Does it frighten you that we think alike?

      • Nah, I’m pretty afraid of what goes on in my head on a daily basis. Just knowing there are others of my kind is a comfort. Like finding out I’m not the last polar bear on the ice floe.

        I think God puts like types together to minimize the damage.

        Have a good weekend, Robin.

        • You, too, Susan. I started reading your book again yesterday. I haven’t had time to read lately, but in my post dinner stupor, I just flopped on the couch with my kindle. It’s wonderful! I love your intelligent, playful Anne.

          Sorry to admit that I’ve drunk the football Kool-Aid. Tonight, I will be riveted to the small screen, trying to contain myself to avoid dirty looks from my hubs and daughter.

          • I grew up with a football addicted father so I took the sure early in life. Fortunately, Bill is not a sports fan. Very fortunately.

Why yes, we DO want a piece of your mind. ;-)

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