Ain’t Nothin’ Like the Real Thing

Watch that hand, buddy!

Am I the only person who finds this to be more than slightly disturbing? Since this girl could probably find a boyfriend if she wanted one, does this mean she prefers a pillow to a warm-blooded male?

Michigan-based Deluxe Comfort has introduced the Boyfriend Body Pillow. Deluxe Comfort describes the object as “a soft body pillow that looks like the torso of a man with a comforting arm that cuddles and holds you throughout the night.” The headless half-torso is touted for “people whose partner is away on military leave or work absence.” The pillow is also recommended for “singles, who desire to feel the touch of a man, without actually having to be with one.”

Ack! If my man had a torso like that, I’d buy him a gym membership for Christmas.

Pros:
A pillow doesn’t hold the remote in a death grip.
A pillow doesn’t fill the DVR with its favorite shows and rush you to watch everything you’ve DVR’d so that it can record more of what it likes.
A pillow doesn’t refuse to buy new clothes every decade or so.
A pillow doesn’t argue.
A pillow weighs about two pounds and costs $34.95. It’s highly portable, and it doesn’t eat anything – ever.
A pillow doesn’t snore or release noxious odors.
A pillow can be thrown away. No divorce is necessary.

This is a “sculpted torso”?

Cons:
A pillow can’t hug you back.
A pillow can’t talk.
A pillow is cold.
A pillow can’t love you.
A pillow can’t give you children.
A pillow doesn’t care if you’re sick.
A pillow can’t go to a movie with you (unless you wish to be the object of ridicule).
A pillow can’t mow the yard, fix the car, or hang pictures.

I think I’ll keep hubby – unless someone invents a Darcy pillow. Ha!

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About Robin Helm

Robin Helm has published all three volumes of The Guardian Trilogy, Guardian, SoulFire, and Legacy. She has also published two Regency short stories. She and her husband have two daughters, the elder a Navy nurse stationed in Guam and deployed aboard the USMS Mercy, and the younger a fourth grade teacher. They live in South Carolina with their Yorkie, Tobey, Maltese teacup, Chloe. Ms. Helm graduated with a BA from Piedmont International University. She is a member of the Delta Epsilon Chi honor society, the American Legion Auxiliary, and the scholarship faculty of the United States Achievement Academy.
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9 Responses to Ain’t Nothin’ Like the Real Thing

  1. Laura Hile says:

    Oh, Robin. The things you find to talk about. Thanks for the smiles.

  2. Susan Kaye says:

    I think you “Cons” list is actually the “Pros” list for a lot of women who don’t really want a boyfriend/husband, they just want a semblance of one. “I want what i want when I want it.” That’s the American motto these days.

    • Robin Helm says:

      I actually thought of that when I was writing it. Both lists would be switched by some women. For instance, “The pillow can’t talk,” could be considered a “pro” by some women but a “con” by others. Maybe their husbands or boyfriends won’t shut up. Does it frighten you that we think alike?

      • Susan Kaye says:

        Nah, I’m pretty afraid of what goes on in my head on a daily basis. Just knowing there are others of my kind is a comfort. Like finding out I’m not the last polar bear on the ice floe.

        I think God puts like types together to minimize the damage.

        Have a good weekend, Robin.

        • Robin Helm says:

          You, too, Susan. I started reading your book again yesterday. I haven’t had time to read lately, but in my post dinner stupor, I just flopped on the couch with my kindle. It’s wonderful! I love your intelligent, playful Anne.

          Sorry to admit that I’ve drunk the football Kool-Aid. Tonight, I will be riveted to the small screen, trying to contain myself to avoid dirty looks from my hubs and daughter.

          • Susan Kaye says:

            I grew up with a football addicted father so I took the sure early in life. Fortunately, Bill is not a sports fan. Very fortunately.

  3. Gayle Mills says:

    That pillow’s not even half the man he used to be.

Why yes, we DO want a piece of your mind. ;-)

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