Weddings Crossing to the Dark Side?

Jedis meet Downton Abbey

After I decided to write a series of blog posts highlighting unusual proposals and marriages, I came across this strange bit of news from one of the countries of my ancestry. The people of Scotland have decided to overhaul their marriage laws, and it appears that the changes will produce an abundance of Star Wars–themed weddings.

The Marriage and Civil Partnership (Scotland) Bill is still in the consultation stage and is meant primarily to legalize same-sex marriage, but the bill would also allow groups which do not believe in a deity but “promote philosophical or humanitarian beliefs” to perform their own weddings. The Presbyterian Free Church of Scotland has warned that the wording is too vague, and they appear to be correct.

The Rev. Iver Martin, a Church spokesman, told the BBC: “There are loads of people in a diverse society like this for whom belief can mean virtually anything — the Flat Earth Society and Jedi Knight Society — who knows?”

The good reverend has some basis for his objection. In the 2011 Census, more than 175,000 people in England and Wales listed “Jedi” as their religion; it was the most popular alternative faith in the form’s “other religion” category. In Scotland, around 14,000 people gave their religion as “Jedi” in the 2011 Census, and in addition to the Jedi Knight Society, there are several other global Jedi groups in existence, including the Temple of the Jedi Order and the Church of Jediism.

Death Star wedding cake

Patrick Day-Childs, a spokesman for the Church of Jediism, who also goes by Master Chi-Pa Amshe, told the BBC there was demand for Jedi to bless marriages. “We’re open to all forms of marriage and the joining of two people who love each other in any way, shape or form,” he said.

To each his own I suppose, but as much as I love science fiction and Star Wars, I think a Death Star wedding cake doesn’t bode well for the future of the marriage, and I would not feel truly married if the ceremony was performed by Yoda or the Emperor.

I was amazed when I researched this on the internet. Boba Fett was marrying Princess Leia, replete in her metal bikini from Jabba’s lair. Another wedding cake was made in the image of Jabba the Hutt. It looked like a pile of – well, something I certainly wouldn’t want to eat. Storm troopers are groomsmen, and the aliens from the bar scene in the original Star Wars movie abound. There are Sand People everywhere, and grooms usually look like Darth Vader, though one was Chewbacca. One bride was dressed as Darth Maul.

Young padawan, if you are not savvy enough to avoid making your groom an evil genius or a Wookie, perhaps a civil ceremony is a better option. After all, good and handsome men abounded in the series. I would much rather marry Han Solo or Luke Skywalker than Count Dooku.

The question is, will they live long and proper? Whoops! Wrong show.

Your GPS can’t save you.

And I thought my GPS would save me from nightmares like the one suffered by Sabine Moureau, a 67 year old woman living in Wallonia, Belgium. The poor woman took off on a 55 mile trip to pick up a friend at a Brussels train station following the directions given to her by her GPS. She put her mind on auto-pilot and blindly (not a word you want associated with driving) followed the instructions of the friendly voice.

The next day, she arrived in Zagreb, the capital of Croatia, more than 900 miles from her point of origin. It was at that point that she first suspected a problem. (Really, Sherlock?)

Moreau had traveled through Germany, Austria, and Slovenia to end up in the Central European country; she had filled up her gas tank twice; and she had stopped to sleep for a few hours. Just how long did she think it would take to travel 55 miles?

She said, “I switched on the GPS and punched in the address. Then I started out. My GPS seemed a bit wonky. It sent me on several diversions and that’s where it must have gone wrong… I saw tons of different signposts, first in French, later in German, but I kept on driving.” Reminds of the Postal Service motto: “Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” I can hear my husband saying, “USER error.”

There’s absentmindedness and trust, but there’s also being disengaged to the point of being a danger to yourself and others. I am terrible with directions myself, as Gayle will tell you readily, but even I have never traveled more than one hour in the wrong direction.

When the lost lady finally returned home, her family was relieved. They had reported her as missing. She was, and she may be still. And her poor friend who was left waiting at the train station? She managed to find alternate transportation. I would recommend that she do that permanently.

After all, if I lived in Richmond, Virginia, and wanted to go to Fredericksburg, Virginia, I think I would be suspicious when I passed a North Carolina sign. I would perhaps understand missing the North Carolina sign, but would I not see the South Carolina, Georgia, and Florida signs either? Would I not realize there was a problem BEFORE I ran out of land on the other side of Miami? That would be roughly 900 miles.

I have a Magellan, and I call her “Maggie.” If Maggie ever does that to me, she can look for another job. If I head for Charlotte, North Carolina, and end up on the other side of New York City, someone please take away my driver’s license. Friends don’t let friends drive with their eyes closed and their brains turned off.

Pattinson likes us! He really likes us!

“If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours, but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable.” - Robert Pattinson.

I’m not a huge fan of Pattinson, though I have enjoyed the Twilight movies; however, I’m a bigger fan since I read this quote. Additionally, he said, “If you took away publicists and things and people spoke for themselves, then they’d have to be responsible for their words.” I like that. It’s very sensible. That’s why the speeches actors give at awards shows are so terrible – they try to make up the words themselves instead of merely memorizing someone else’s words.

On “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” Pattinson revealed that he had recently purchased a car for $2,500 off Craigslist. Get this: the Chevy Silverado pickup truck is over a decade old. “I got a 2001 Silverado. It’s beautiful. Solid car,” Pattinson said, noting, “I buy everything off Craigslist. Every single car that I’ve bought.”

He’s rich, handsome, and thrifty, as well as being a man who admires intelligent women. Hmmmm.

I have to admit, he’s said some fairly stupid things, too, but we’ll save those for another day. For today, we won’t worry about his comments concerning his lack personal hygiene. For today, we’ll just be happy that there is a young, famous, humble guy out there who likes US – the women who read.

Which Austen man should he play? I think he should be a hero, though he has the whole smouldering thing down and would make a wonderful Wickham or Henry Crawford. He’s moody, so Darcy is not out of the question. What do you think?

Ain’t Nothin’ Like the Real Thing

Watch that hand, buddy!

Am I the only person who finds this to be more than slightly disturbing? Since this girl could probably find a boyfriend if she wanted one, does this mean she prefers a pillow to a warm-blooded male?

Michigan-based Deluxe Comfort has introduced the Boyfriend Body Pillow. Deluxe Comfort describes the object as “a soft body pillow that looks like the torso of a man with a comforting arm that cuddles and holds you throughout the night.” The headless half-torso is touted for “people whose partner is away on military leave or work absence.” The pillow is also recommended for “singles, who desire to feel the touch of a man, without actually having to be with one.”

Ack! If my man had a torso like that, I’d buy him a gym membership for Christmas.

Pros:
A pillow doesn’t hold the remote in a death grip.
A pillow doesn’t fill the DVR with its favorite shows and rush you to watch everything you’ve DVR’d so that it can record more of what it likes.
A pillow doesn’t refuse to buy new clothes every decade or so.
A pillow doesn’t argue.
A pillow weighs about two pounds and costs $34.95. It’s highly portable, and it doesn’t eat anything – ever.
A pillow doesn’t snore or release noxious odors.
A pillow can be thrown away. No divorce is necessary.

This is a “sculpted torso”?

Cons:
A pillow can’t hug you back.
A pillow can’t talk.
A pillow is cold.
A pillow can’t love you.
A pillow can’t give you children.
A pillow doesn’t care if you’re sick.
A pillow can’t go to a movie with you (unless you wish to be the object of ridicule).
A pillow can’t mow the yard, fix the car, or hang pictures.

I think I’ll keep hubby – unless someone invents a Darcy pillow. Ha!

Questions for Angels

I need your help, gentle readers. If you could ask Michael and Gabriel (as portrayed in The Guardian Trilogy) a few questions, what would you ask?

I will give you those answers in a couple of months.

Just to prod your imagination a little, I’m providing pictures of my models for both angels. I always thought of Michael as Henry Cavill, though with blonder hair.

Gabriel was a young Brad Pitt in my mind. Make his eyes azure blue. I know he’s gone downhill, but he used to be beautiful.

I chose pictures of both guys in armor to remind you that they are warrior guardians in Legacy.

Give me your questions, ladies, please!

Jane Austen is My Homegirl

Sally Smith O’Rourke shared this on Facebook. Hey, ho. Here we go!

Jane Austen, she would holler, “Amen!”

It ain’t all flowery like Jane would write, but it be truth. Listen up, girls!
This is what we at Jane Started It! are trying to tell you in our fiction.

Bless Chautona Havig for sharing this at Facebook. Had to share it here as well.

Tea With Alan Rickman

This slo-mo video is absolutely bizarre. Skip ahead to the four minute mark and watch uber-calm Alan Rickman totally lose it for nearly three minutes. I guess he noticed that he was being filmed.

I love the Inception music. It makes the blow-up seem almost epic.

On a lighter (pun intended) note, I lost another 1.6 pounds this week for a total of 14.2. I have thirty-seven pounds to go before I reach goal weight. That sounds like a good bit, but four weeks ago, I had fifty-three to lose. Baby steps.

Write Like a … Girl?

So in real life, I’m a teacher. And, well you know, a part-time comedian. (What can I say? I teach middle school. Humor = Survival.)

In September I added a high school creative writing class to my plate, this time as an elective. Seven students signed up—all guys.

My word, what a great group. They’re bright, motivated, and loaded with ideas. I get to play the part of the Published Author. They’re secretly a little thrilled that I’m sharing my writing strategies with them. We discuss story structure and such … and sometimes I show movies to make my points. (When I played the beginning of Star Wars, there was this collective gasp of happiness.)

So … they’ve turned in stories involving war, mayhem, and chases involving awesome sportscars. We’ve had bombings at the mall, laboratory explosions, sniper fire, and kidnappings. If there are parents, they die. (Sorry. Blame Disney.) What we haven’t had much of is Romance. Where the girl survived, that is.

Several weeks ago I changed things up. We discussed Chick Lit, the parameters of the modern Romance novel—including the one-month shelf life of a category romance, which was an eye-opener to them!—Harlequin’s subscription service, and Nicholas Sparks. And then I put the hammer down: a six-page Romance story was to be written by each of them.

“Not a thriller, war adventure, or mystery,” I told them. “A Romance. When you catch yourself straying into a favorite (male-oriented) genre—(dramatic pause)—repent!” Ha. I teach in a Christian school. They grinned.

They were also instructed to bend the rules of good writing. This means I want …

• Lots-o-melodrama
• Plenty of adjectives (A brawny, muscular arm. Voluptuous, kissable lips)
• Too many adverbs
• A couple of “Swifties” (just this once)
• That sweep-me-away title
• And a PG level rating (since I will be reading the stories aloud)

During today’s ten-minute freewriting session, pens were scratching. There was male-style giggling, too. No, better make that cackling!

“Entertain yourself first,” I remarked, ever the teacher.

Trevor looked up from the page. “Oh, I AM,” he said, with a wide grin. “I’m loving this! He just broke up with her, and she ran screaming from the room!”

Everybody laughed.

Well okay then. This should be something. I’ll keep you posted.

Trending with Barbie

Tokidoki Barbie Doll at barbiecollector.com

As usual, Barbie sports an outfit that few mortal women could. Or should.

Check out the pink hair and miniskirt, heart and crossbones (so cute!), patterned leggings, and a dog(?) in a cactus suit.

Major swag!

Hang on, what’s with her shoulder? Is Barbie’s arm broken? Or maimed? Or … (Click image to enlarge.)

Tattoos? Seriously? Barbie has tattoos?

Sigh. I am hopelessly behind the times when it comes to tattoos.

Oh, I have them. But mine, being dots, don’t count. (Cancer souvenirs. Definitely not swag.)

Are tattoos now mainstream? (And doesn’t that defeat the point?) So should McGillvary have Elizabeth Forever emblazoned on his chest?

[Susan Kaye is still in Idaho with her mother, leaving me to look after the blog. Such scintillating intellectual content I provide! Not.]