Elevator Interlude

A week ago, several of we Guild Girls spent a weekend in Portland, Oregon. If you read my Comes a Weekend post you know we ate and wrote. Not in that order. Anyway, Saturday night we sprang for delivery pizza. This required soda. I bummed change from Laura, took the drink orders and headed out to the elevator.

The Mark Spencer Hotel is a nice place. And moderately priced so it seems to have an interesting mix of guests. Just down the hall from the elevators was a party room complete with raucous laughter and music. I was listening to the  music when the elevator finally opened.

Standing in the doorway of the car, slightly confused, was a slouching guy in a cheesy running suit. He looked up and down the hallway, then looked at me, and motioned for me to get in the car.

Now I watch about every crime drama on network television. I really like Criminal Minds with it’s weekly serial killer themes. This guy needs to audition. He’s got the vibe down cold. Saying this, you would think I’d smile and make an excuse. Did I? Nah.

Not wanting to look like a scaredy cat, or a suspicious rube, I got right in. All the while  “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?! THIS IS DANGEROUS!” were clattering around in my head.

All the experts say that if you feel uncomfortable in a situation, get out of it no matter how it looks to others. Especially some creepy guy in the elevator you have to use to get the soda.

So, I’m standing to the back of the elevator car, considering there are no hand holds to use for leverage so I could kick him if he attacked me. But then I noticed something … he pushed the button with his finger covered with his track suit. The guy was a bit, or maybe a lot, germaphobic. **

That’s my ticket. I figured if he made any moves I didn’t like, BOMBS AWAY! In this case, I was hoping spit would be as good a pepper spray. At that moment I began to work up the biggest wad of spit possible. By the time we got to the lobby, I felt pretty doggone safe from this badly dressed, slightly confused guy with bad posture.

The door opened, he looked up and down the hall and lobby and wandered off. But I was safe. Me and my new weapon of choice.

I went back to the room and told Laura and Pamela. They laughed. Laura said I don’t get out enough.

Looking back, I wonder if that guy was also a fan of crime shows and was considering his options in case I turned out to be a serial killer. A fat, badly dressed serial killer with a handful of quarters.

**My co-blogger, Robin Helm read this and pointed out he might have been keeping his fingerprints off the button rather than being a germaphobe. She had a great point! For a crime drama fan, I have to say I felt like a real chump. But thinking back, he was hugging his corner pretty tightly. I think he was afraid I was radiating germs. Or anger. Or hunger. Who knows.

Any slightly embarrassing stories of distrust and suspicion?

Take care–Susan Kaye

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12 thoughts on “Elevator Interlude

  1. Laura Hile

    I should add that these elevators were tiny, so there was no way to stand in the rear of the car. I would be very uncomfortable in this situation. Not enough space for a “personal bubble.” :)

  2. Sophia Rose

    I shouldn’t laugh, but I think about things that way too. I know I freaked a guy out at Sam’s Club when I came near to stabbing him with the key wedged between two of my fingers when he came around the side of my car when I was loading.


    1. Susan Kaye Post author

      Whenever you watch a news segment where they have a guy dressed up in one of those padded suits and women beating the wadding out of him, they say, “Don’t take chances.” I took the chance, got in the elevator, and proceeded to form a plan. The best plan would have been to wait for the other elevator. Maybe.

  3. Robin Helm

    Sophia, I would have had my keys gripped in my fist with all the points sticking out. That sucker would have been in for a surprise if he had turned on me. My husband has always told me to “go for the eyes and dig them out if necessary.” It’s gross, but I’m betting it would work like a charm.

    I’m a big fan of CSI and Criminal Minds. My character, Lexus, looks like Shemar Moore in my mind.

    1. Susan Kaye Post author

      I had no keys with me the entire weekend, and all they give you at hotels are key cards now. Considering this season’s political climate, I think I radiate an air of hostility and my pre-menopausal state screams, “go ahead, make my day.”

  4. LucyParker

    Confession: I’ve had a secret crush on Thomas Gibson forever. He’s the reason I watch Criminal Minds.

    As to the germaphobe/killer man, no you shouldn’t have gotten in the elevator. You should have gone to the party.

    1. Susan Kaye Post author

      LOL, Lucy! Maybe if I’d blown all of Laura’s change on soda and asked nicely, they would have let me in.

      I think Mr. Gibson is very attractive as well. I liked him in Dharma and Greg and even the short-lived Chicago Hope. Maybe I just like Rossi because he’s a fun time guy, and he’s freakin’ rich!!

    1. Susan Kaye Post author

      No doubt, he’s a great looking guy. (If you want a real laugh, watch Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Shemar’s braids are … interesting.) But he’s too young for me. I try to keep this sort of thing in the realm of reason. And close to the same decade. ;-)

  5. Susan Kaye Post author

    Digging around on Internet Movie Database, I found that Shemar Moore was also on Chicago Hope, as was Thomas Gibson, and the pre-Rossi Mandy Patinkin who played Jason Gideon. For such a short run, it moved a lot of interesting guys through it’s ranks.

  6. Robin Helm

    I admire beauty in all ages and in both sexes. To me, it’s not a sexual thing. I can look at a guy, think, “What a hunk!” and leave it there. My brain just doesn’t take it any further. Lack of imagination?


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