Marrying Well for Fun and Profit: But is he Mr Right?

“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”
Jane Austen (1775-1817)

“In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.”
Samuel Butler (1835-1902)

My Dear Vulgarian Miss,

I take it that your gentleman friend has not yet, as they say, “popped the question.” (Indeed, why would an engaged woman be reading this column?) If he has not, it could be time for some hard thinking, my dear.

Is he truly Mr Right? Or have you been Miss Mistaken?

Here are some questions that will help.

• He is attractive, certainly. But is that his only asset?
• Does he have a more-than-adequate source of income?
• Can he handle money? Is he willing to delegate money management to you?
• Are you constantly irritated by some small mannerism of his?
• Does he tell lies? Of course he does, but do you mind?
• Is he quarrelsome? Does he try to boss you?
• Is he hard on other people? How does he treat servants?
• Is he a flirt? Does he enjoy making you jealous?
• What about hobbies? Is he fond of something odious like Beer Tourism?
• Are you proud to present him to your friends?
• Can you spend seven consecutive evenings together without being bored?
• Does he have a criminal record? Any outstanding warrants?

You will laugh, but I was not born yesterday. Choose a husband carefully, my dear. “Until death do ye part” can be a very long time.

Cordially yours in the upward climb,

Sir Walter Elliot, Bart

Sir Walter Elliot shares advice with Vulgarian readers each Wednesday evening.

Archive of Marrying Well columns

Timely advice from The Art of

Copyright (c) Laura Hile, 2012

10 thoughts on “Marrying Well for Fun and Profit: But is he Mr Right?

    1. Laura Hile Post author

      No outstanding warrants, Gayle? Eh, not in 1974. But now?

      I’m willing to bet there are a handful of jilted wives that might risk a murder rap. There’s your novel. He’s not Mr Right … he’s “Mr Rightbackatcha”

      Do a short story. See where you end up.


      1. Gayle Mills

        I have thought about writing a Lizzy previously married to Wickham story so that I could use some of my more spectacular moments. Love your characterization — Mr. Rightbackatcha. So funny.


          1. Gayle Mills

            Are you telling me that you are really interested in hearing about the time I broke a huge wall of glass in a restaurant by hurling a salt shaker at his head? I was more than provoked. LOL


            1. LucyParker

              Ha! I threw a dozen eggs at Mr LP’s car when we were divorced. Missed every time. Little did I know that I’d be driving that car when we remarried. TMI? Yes, but I’m telling you so that you’ll know that I completely appreciate the need to passionately pass the salt. Write on!


  1. Robin Helm

    “Does he have a criminal record? Any outstanding warrants?” This is why I have become spectacular at stalking. I will use any avenue available to me to find out more about the young men who are interested in my daughters, and they (my daughters) know it. Twitter, Facebook, Google, and LinkedIn were created for people like me. If they become engaged, I may also run a credit check. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.



Why yes, we DO want a piece of your mind. ;-)

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