“All changed, changed utterly:
A terrible beauty is born.”
William Butler Yeats
My Dear Vulgarian Miss,
Spring is quickly passing into summer, and I notice that you have no wedding plans. Consider this a point in your favor, for a good six months is needed to plan the perfect wedding. One must consider not only the reception, clothing, flowers, and music but also the appearance of the wedding party.
To put it plainly, your attendants must be brought into compliance. I’m not speaking of hair and makeup only—for everyone needs those! —but of a body overhaul. Beauty is skin deep, as they say—and that’s what you need to address. The skin, along with everything else.
It’s called cosmetic intervention, and you need it. Your bridesmaids need it. Your mother and future mother-in-law do, too. Remember, “Wedding pictures are forever.” And your modern digital cameras are so extremely unkind! Plan now to impress posterity with a stunning wedding portrait.
“I’ve already made arrangements with a Medical Spa” is the best news ever. Your attendants will be thrilled, for they’ve secretly wished to do these procedures for years. Now they have an excuse—you! Can you live with that? Of course, for the alternative is to live with their unsightly image in your wedding album.
Liposuction trumps the gymnasium. Why set your best friends up for tortuous workouts? Toned muscles are not everything! An aesthetician will assess each bridesmaid and devise a treatment plan—a quick chemical peel, or an injection of a wrinkle-filler. Or a series of Fraxel laser treatments over months, allowing for recovery time.
Rethink asking your bridesmaids to go under the knife, however. Cosmetic surgery—such as breast enhancement—is asking rather a lot, even if you do find a surgeon offering group rates. Modest gowns for your attendants are in better taste.
In closing, I should point out that you must be realistic. There are those in need not of cosmetic, but of cosmic intervention. Such unsightly ones should not be asked to join your wedding party.
Cordially yours in the upward climb,
Sir Walter Elliot, Bart
Seriously! It’s Botox for You, Dear Bridesmaids!
Sir Walter Elliot shares advice with Vulgarian readers every other Wednesday evening.
Archive of Marrying Well columns
Copyright (c) Laura Hile, 2012