Rhyme Time with Jane!

Welcome all of you to Jane Started It!, home of the Crown Hill Writers’ Guild. We have more visitors than usual today, so thanks to all of you who have come touring from Meredith Esparza’s AUSTEN EXTRAVAGANZA.  Make yourselves comfortable and enjoy the bit of fun we’ve concocted. We’re giving away books, too!


On those dark days when Writer’s Block strikes, we resort to creating limericks! And fooling with words and movie stills.

Come share our silliness!

The Sad Saga of Caroline Bingley (Robin Helm)

Miss Caroline Bingley wore feathers
In horribly foul or fair weathers.
She usually would choose
Ridiculous hues
Of oranges, purples, or heathers.


One day when she wore a fine turban
To places in London quite urban.
Her feathers blew off
Provoking a cough
And causing a scene most disturbin’.


She went to an opera one evening
And sat in a box most deceiving.
She thought she looked fetching
But had the men retching,
Their pheasant and rich cake upheaving.

‘Twas next at a ball she was dancing,
So elegant as she went prancing.
She gracefully twirled;
Her headdress unfurled,
The feathers preventing romancing.


Now Caroline sits by her sister
Without a significant mister.
She has not a clue
About what to do
In order to be an A-lister.

Poor Caro can no longer mingle,
Because she is thirty and single.
Though she was for sale,
She landed no male,
And, therefore, her lips feel no tingle.


PUNishing Peeks at Personalities (Gayle Mills)

Anne pensively gazed at the cloud;
Heart heavy, she sighed aloud.
“Frederick,” she mourned
Fresh heartache was born
And all because Walter was proud.


There was a young actor named Firth
Whose Darcy for certain lacked mirth.
His eyes, they were fine
Took all else from mind
Proving once and for all his true worth.


Lizzy’s ramble was setting a pace;
She walked to extinguish his face.
In love she was tumbling
All the while mumbling,
“For husband, he’s still in last place.”


Mr. Collins was a man of the cloth.
He preached against vanity and sloth.
His breeches revealed
Though he tried to conceal
The damage done by the huge moth.


Mr. Bingley was known as a gent.
His words to all, kindly meant.
His courtship was lacking;
Caroline was packing,
A letter to Jane already sent.


Miss Bingley was hatching her plan
She tapped her chin with her fan.
She opened her mouth
Her deception went south
Miss Bennet was kissing her man!


Why I’m Not A Poet (Susan Kaye)
There once was a middle-aged dud
Whose poetry dropped with a thud.
She tried all the day,
It still was that way,
Poor thing’s got prose in her blood.


Do these people look happy to you? by Susan Kaye
The publicity stills from the 1995 version of Persuasion, starring Ciaran Hinds and Amanda Root, do not scream, we’ve-been-cruelly-separated-for-nearly-eight-years-and-can’t-wait-to-get-our-hands-on-each-other to me.

NO 1:

Some things you just keep to yourself.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, Mrs. Wentworth, I need you to look wistful. After all, you’ve just gotten your Navy hero back from the sea. Could you rest your head on his lapel there? Perfect! And sir, you keep looking your captainly best. Just hold that pose while I make an adjustment here.

ANNE: (to herself) Yes, do make a few more adjustments, please. I love tilting my head like this for hours. This is the last time I use a photographer recommended by Mary. That bloody gold braid of his is sticking me in the ear. I don’t like any of those paint samples I got at Home Depot. But if I say I want to go back and look at others, he’ll fuss. He always fusses.

WENTWORTH: (to himself) “One if by land, two if by sea, being stuck on the shore is making me cra-zy!”


NO 2:

You always run a risk when making “couple” friends.

Everyone has “that” couple in their circle of acquaintances.

WENTWORTH: (repeats to himself) “Don’t drink too much.” “Don’t tell that story again.” “I don’t care how execrable her pudding is, tell her it was wonderful.” “And please don’t frighten the children before they go to bed. When they are in bed is the only tolerable time of these visits.” Men at sea and their wives on land is so much simpler.

ANNE: (to herself) Just because someone is fun at sea is no guarantee they will be fun on shore. We’ll have to hear about Captain Harville’s last DIY project. And his present one. And the one he’s planning to start. Then she’ll go on and on about what wonders the children are. And to think, at one time, I looked forward to these being my friends.


NO 3:

It never fails, couples always fight just when they really NEED to look enraptured.

ANNE: Frederick Wentworth, you take that back!

PHOTOGRAPHER: Please, Mrs. Wentworth, I need you to keep looking away, demure and wistful.

WENTWORTH: I will not. You know it’s true.

ANNE: It may be true, but it is really too unfair, I know nothing about your father. He may have made my father look like a saint.

WENTWORTH: HA! He didn’t, trust.

ANNE: Ha! trust you. After that little dalliance with Louisa Musgrove? Not likely sailor boy.

WENTWORTH: You leave the Navy out of this! The Navy is providing you a fine life. Unlike your father–

PHOTOGRAPHER: Mrs. Wentworth! Come back! (begins packing up his equipment) This is the last time I take a job from anyone connected to Mary Musgrove!


No one looks happy ALL the time, but we would like our heroes and heroines looking at least a little joyful. Hollywood should work on that.

The care–Susan Kaye


Robin Helm is offering a paperback (winner’s choice) from her Guardian series (USA) and one e-book (International)

Laura Hile is offering a print copy (also winner’s choice) from the Mercy’s Embrace series (USA only)

To enter, simply post a comment below, and indicate whether you are USA or International. Entry deadline is October 3, 2012. We will announce the winners on October 4th.

Thanks so much for stopping by!

The Crown Hill Writers

Susan Kaye, Frederick Wentworth, Captain novels
Pamela Aidan, Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman trilogy, Young Master Darcy
Robin Helm, The Guardian trilogy
Laura Hile, Mercy’s Embrace novels
Gayle Mills, featured at Beyond Austen, the awesome free fiction site
Barbara Cornthwaite, George Knightley, Esquire novels


76 thoughts on “Rhyme Time with Jane!

  1. Sophia Rose

    Haha! I loved your version of blowing off steam. Poor Caroline makes for a nice target it seems.
    Fun posting!

    Thanks for the giveaway opportunity.


  2. Heather M

    Great limericks! I agree heartily about those production stills. The happy couple looks rather miserable 🙂

    Heather M. (from the USA)


    1. Susan Kaye

      I think they were going for the period look of woe. The only period in which subjects of portraits look more miserable is, IMO, the mid 1800s in the American west. And I think that had more to do with itchy underwear. Of course, that may be the case here. 😉

      Thanks for dropping by, Heather.


      1. Laura Hile Post author

        The look of woe? Love that! Cue Burt Bacharach / Hal David’s hit from the 60’s “The Look of Love …”

        The Look of woe is on your face,
        A look that time can’t erase …


  3. Susan Kaye

    I have to thank Robin and Gayle for the meat of this post. Laura and I were kind of exhausted with the idea of another “Austen Guys™” post. The ladies came up with all these within hours.

    Yes, I’m jealous.

    Thank you, Ladies.


    1. Susan Kaye

      Welcome, Michelle. I am a big believer that it’s the small things in life that really characterize an age. Shoes that pinch are probably responsible for more angry exchanges between couples and political enemies. Pinching shoes and stomach upset. (FW in particular seems to be reflective of this.)


    2. Laura Hile Post author

      For me, a California girl with little to complain about, it’s humidity. Oh my, to bear with that … especially in period clothes. Ugh. And then there’s being crabby because I’m hungry, which I so often am … unfortunately.

      Thanks for stopping by, Michelle!


  4. Susan D

    Poor Caroline! But funny 🙂

    I love the captions for the Anne/Capt. Wentworth photos. I can really hearing them say that stuff while posing…

    I’m in the US.


    1. Susan Kaye

      Hi, Susan, thanks for commenting. I’ve always thought Frederick and Anne will be a real couple once all the who ha of a wedding is over. She will eventually pluck her eyebrows in front of him, and he WILL pass gas.

      Don’t you hate the idea of heroes passing gas? I suppose to be really real, if they were contemporary, we might want to make allowance for HIM to pluck and HER to pass in their more private moments.

      They also will have real thoughts about one another and their friends. Can you imagine marriage counseling for them? Oh my.

      They’d still make it work.


      1. Laura Hile Post author

        Oh, in books we can enjoy all our favorite male foibles without the irksome real life details!

        Still, Susan Kaye does a very human job with Frederick Wentworth in her novels. Thanks for entering our giveaway, Susan D. 🙂


    2. Robin Helm

      Caroline as portrayed in the 1995 miniseries has a bullseye on her head. She isn’t as large a target in the 2007 version. She’s one of my favorite characters. Glad you liked the verses! Thanks for stopping by.


  5. Stephanie Carrico

    So funny…
    loved getting into Fredrick and Annes heads for
    their photo shoots…
    limericks were also quite funny..
    I am in the US


    1. Robin Helm

      Susan did a masterful job with that, I thought.

      Glad to give you a chuckle with the limericks!

      Thanks for commenting, Stephanie.


  6. Monica

    Thanks for the laughs, ladies! You all did a great job. I think Susan’s comment about plucking and passing made me laugh just as much as the limericks. Too true, though, I think they are one of the more “real” Austen couples that would be like that.

    I once spent a day trying to make limericks beginning with “There once was a man named Fitzwilliam”. I didn’t do very well. The only thing I could make rhyme with Fitzwilliam was “kill him” lol.

    Thanks for the giveaway! I think I’m in the US. …(looking around)…yeah, I am. Argh, the silliness is contagious.


    1. Robin Helm

      There once was a man named Fitzwilliam
      Who when playing poker said, “Deal ’em.”
      His face was inscrutable.
      In truth ’twas immutable.
      So winnings, he always did steal ’em.

      Not perfect by a long shot, Monica, but it was the best I could do. 😉


          1. Monica

            I am easy to please, but that doesn’t mean your limerick is no good! Of course we shall meet sometime! I always come down to SC the week after Christmas. Haven’t finalized the dates & details yet and I know it’s a crazy time of year but if you want to get together one day, we can. 🙂


  7. Susan Kaye

    Yes, silliness IS contagious. That’s why going for coffee with a silly friend is always a dangerous proposition.

    Thanks for stopping by, Monica.


    1. Laura Hile Post author

      It has to be coffee.

      One time Susan Kaye and I were able to have a girls’ movie night—we live 40 miles apart so get-togethers are rare, Always we get coffee and treats. This time, feeling up for a wild time (and since our area of Oregon is known as the microbrew capital of the US), we decided to split a bottle of specialty ale. Big mistake! Neither of us drink, so within 30 minutes we were falling asleep. It was, like, 9 pm and we each had half a glass! Snark Movie Night (with comments) turned into a fight to stay awake. How’s that for pathetic? 🙂 So it has to be coffee.


  8. RedRose15

    I loved reading each one. They definitely amused me 😉 Now, I can go to sleep with a smile on my face!

    I’m international (Canada).



    1. Susan Kaye

      I’m curious, RR, are you named after the Canadian tea? It was the only tea in our house when I was a kid in north Idaho–though I don’t think that geographical proximity had anything to do with it–and it’s what’s in my cupboard right now.

      In each box they enclose a china figurine. I wish they had stayed with the cute little animals. They are now doing the holidays and the leprechaun for St.. Patty’s Day scares me!


  9. LucyParker

    Love, love, love your limericks! I’m no poet (or proser) but I can make myself laugh with a haiku or two:

    A Man and His Gig (NA)
    Take a ride with me
    in my well-hung curricle;
    Speed is my forte’.


  10. JuneA**

    Ok, that does it. I need an aspirin now!! I have LAUGHED so hard my head hurts!!!! Scared the dog, spit my tea out (you get the idea) LucyParker put the finish on it!!! ROFLM*Tushie*O

    Thanks Ladies!!


    1. Robin Helm

      “A merry heart does good like a medicine.” Sometimes I may be a pill, but I hope to never lose the ability to be a good medicine.

      I wanted to thank Laura for doing the post set-up and putting in those perfect pictures. The limericks would not have had nearly the punch they delivered without her brilliant choices of photographs.


  11. Linda/Teg

    Yes, Caroline is an easy target indeed for limericks, naughty or tame. 😉
    Hard to imagine any sparks flying between the people in those pictures! Nice commentary accompanying them, Susan. It makes them real people after all. lol



    1. Susan Kaye

      So many people write Lizzie and Darcy after marriage as hardly changed romantically. I figure that Frederick and Anne would become even more themselves. And that means more of the real person would show. Anne less saintly and Frederick more edgy.

      Thanks for entering, Linda.


      1. Robin Helm

        Saintly people sometimes get on my nerves. Sorry, but there it is. I like a little snark, a little fire, a little sarcasm. I have diabetes, and too much sugar doesn’t agree with me. Ha!


        1. Susan Kaye

          What I find interesting is that when you say that Anne is snarky, fans look at you like a cage full of moneys. What they see is poor blighted Anne, victim of her father’s foolishness and godmother’s manipulation. If Anne were a contemporary woman, I could see her doing stand up on the road, making people laugh and money from her sad youth.


  12. Ellen

    well maybe i have a simple sense of humor, but i did laugh at those limericks. and i would love to win a book! i keep buying them and giving them away to friends who don’t return them. pick me!


  13. faith hope & cherrytea

    what a LOT of FuN! enjoyed the rhyme time laughing out loud – hope the neighbours are forgiving =)
    def appreciating your generosity toward my JA reading selections! TY =)
    and HaPpy to see you at Austenesque Extravaganza !!


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