If Jesus came to Portland
So sad, but so true!   (Thanks to Facebook’s Portland Meme for sharing this gem.)  Happy Friday!

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26 thoughts on “If Jesus came to Portland…

  1. Robin Helm

    Unlike the South – “There’s not enough butter in this.” “What! No bacon?” “I’ll have another sweet iced tea.” “I’ll just keep that salt shaker right by my plate.”

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    1. Susan Kaye

      Many here, while still sweaty from their daily jog or bike ride, want a full pedigree on their latte and scone. Fair-trade coffee? Free range cream? Cageless eggs? Non GMO wheat? Transfats? Water for the latte from the purest virgin ice sheets? Paper cup with the proper percentage of recycled paper? Did the barista’s tattooist use pigments ground by hand?

      Then, just let a middle-aged, obese woman like me walk in and buy a venti Earl Grey tea. The judgments fly.

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    2. Susan Kaye

      Oh, I just thought, A Portland Passover!!!

      Only organic lamb that has been allowed to gambol freely in a field of noninvasive species Oregon grasses. (Of course the Jews brought the lamb to live in their house for a time before presenting it for sacrifice. I wonder, is that cruelty in this day and age?)

      The wine would of course be organic, picked by properly unionized laborers with green cards. The fruit lovingly picked by hand and trod by foot.

      The unleaven bread would have to be fully sustainable, made from Peruvian quinoa, and ground on stones by ancient women who carry the “wisdom of the womb” in their souls.

      I gotta go write.

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    1. Susan Kaye

      I keep another blog that I will resurrect on day, and its title is, “I Had to Laugh.” The subtitle is “or you’ll start crying and never stop.”

      Appropriate for things like this.

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  2. Susan Kaye

    The cartoonist forgot to mention GMOs, sustainable farming practices, and whether the bread and/or fish was delivered by bike rather than truck. Living in one of the most highly-aware-of-the-food-you-eat areas of the country is a real treat. The opportunity for laughs abounds. (I grew up on a farm and have no illusions about food and where it comes from like all the celeb chefs prose on about.)

    And nationwide, animal shelters are bursting at the seams with abandoned chickens. Seems that urban farmers who love the idea of fresh eggs are finding there’s a little more to it than gently tossing a bit of corn on the patio once a day.

    And in related farming news, now that pot is legal in Washington, and nearly so here in Oregon, people are growing it in their homes. The cases of pets poisoning themselves by munching the leaves is sky-rocketing. Keep the number for poison control handy if you’re going to venture into weed production.

    You can’t make this stuff up.

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    1. Laura Hile Post author

      Yeah, pot is evv-ree-where in downtown. Ha, I seem to recall when JASNA came a couple of years ago. Susan Kaye and I got a “contact high” from smoke while crossing Pioneer Courthouse Square.

      Appearing at a book signing is nerve-wracking enough, but add in a case of the giggles? Talk about potential disaster! Welcome to Portland!

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      1. Susan Kaye

        Yes, I’ve been high but have never inhaled deeply, just normally.

        Another thought, considering all the Portlandia-esque Food Pharisees preaching against health heresies, you’d think that a temple of pleasure like Voodoo Doughnuts would not be allowed. But it is, and is opening branches in the ‘burbs.

        I’m shocked, shocked I say.

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        1. Laura Hile Post author

          It’s based on Karma. The good outweighs the bad, don’t you know? Thus can have our cake and eat brussel sprouts too!

          And then one can preach about the benefits of clean eating.

          Like, you know, the Oregon Lottery (“gamble responsibly”) supporting the Problem Gambling Hotline?

          On the other hand, we can take a lesson from Voodoo Donuts. Because it’s all about a marketing gimmick, having a signature product, right? When I fly anywhere (or even when I take the train), I always see someone with a pink Voodoo Donut box.

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    2. Laura Hile Post author

      And … on the same Saturday as the JASNA event, wasn’t there was a cross-dressers’ costumed ball? And people assumed that the Regency-clad JASNA folks were heading for that event?

      Welcome to Portland.

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      1. Susan Kaye

        Pioneer Courthouse Square, Portland’s living room. Lots of things go on there which should only be done in private.

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          1. Susan Kaye

            At least when my own family starts banging on about something I don’t care to hear, I can go in the kitchen and do the dishes. In Portland’s Living Room, I’m trapped waiting for the bus and can’t get away.

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  3. Robin Helm

    I need to go to Portland. Sounds more interesting than Epcot and falls into the category “nice place to visit, but I (probably) wouldn’t want to live there.” Of course, come to the South and immerse yourself in redneckism.

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    1. Laura Hile Post author

      If you came today, Robin, you’d never want to go home. Intense blue sky with bright clouds, cheerful sunshine and whispering trees, and a perfect climate: 74 degrees with 45% humidity.

      This snap below was taken a few days ago, proof positive that I am hard at work on Darcy By Any Other Name in my lovely “summer office.” (Ha, I’m out here now, as a matter of fact.)

      But when it rains? drizzles? (which is most of the fall, winter, and spring?) Ain’t nobody want to be here!

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      1. Robin Helm

        I love your “summer office”! It’s been raining twice a day here for two weeks. I keep thinking I live in Forks, Washington. Everything is so GREEN. Supposedly, it’s not going to rain next Tuesday, so I’m planning to paint both my porches.

        If I see the Cullens, I’ll let you know. They really shouldn’t try to live this far south.

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        1. Laura Hile Post author

          We have had an unusually dry summer so far. Seattle’s summer resembles what you are experiencing, Robin. My cousins can usually count on the last two weeks of July to be dry, but that’s it.

          In our 30-year-old home, we have no air conditioning … or sprinkler system. Imagine that!

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        1. Laura Hile Post author

          Okay, Gayle, sure.

          I couldn’t figure out where it should go in the Photo Gallery, so I just posted it in the Members Lounge.as a topic. Maybe others will share their writing and reading spaces?

          Eh, before I can share my indoor space (sad cluttered desk), I’ll have to clean a bit. Better make that quite a bit!

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    1. Laura Hile Post author

      If I had a comfortable recliner, no writing would get done. I’d probably fall asleep in it!

      If I could get to it. Now that I think about it, one of sons would certainly commandeer such a spot. And sleep all night there too! 🙂

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Why yes, we DO want a piece of your mind. ;-)

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