The husband and I were reading the Police Blotter in a local paper yesterday. There was an entry that screamed for a story to be written.
A woman came to the local police station and asked for her wallet and her false teeth back.
Where to begin.
First of all, the police station wouldn’t be the first place I would think to go when missing … ANYTHING. Clearly, she searched around the house, her car, maybe even her desk at work and found nothing but all those other things you’ve looked for in the past.
Next, it’s clear she’s been to the police station because the story said she went “back.” Either this was a first-time event, and maybe a one off. Or maybe she’s been building up frequent custody miles for a while.
Back to Phyllis. (Yes, I just now decided to call her Phyllis.) When our heroine didn’t find the wayward items, she obviously thought, “Hey, when I was taken into custody the other night, I’ll bet after calling the kids* to post bail, they released me and kept my wallet and teeth.**” IF she’s been a regular guest of the _ _ PD, she may know that bailing out the wallet and toothless to future frustration is a cruel trick the officers gleefully perpetrate, , laughing behind the backs of the accused. Or, more likely the _ _ PD are sharp professionals and Phyllis is shocked that such slipshod ways have creeped in unnoticed. Time to call a halt to this!
Either way, the return trip to the station is fraught with anxiety. What if she gets pulled over? She’s got no ID and talking without her teeth makes her sound inebriated. Maybe inebriation is what started this whole mess in the first place. Maybe having to go back to the police station and ask for her teeth is just the push Phyllis needs to get some help.
She can give this new resolve to the kids as a Christmas present! This will be great. In the future, the family will gather around and listen to Phyllis talk about how she got sober and became a beacon of hope for the whole _____ family.
2014 is going to be a GREAT year!
It must have been a terrible blow when the _ _ PD had to tell Phyllis they didn’t have her wallet. Or her teeth.
There’s a whole new story just begging to be written.
Okay, so what have you lost and would be embarrassed if it showed up in a police station?
While a bit off-point, just to prime the pump and show I am no paragon, I think I forgot a brasserie at a motel. Just last month. I’ve sent an email asking the innkeeper to check. *sigh*
Come on! Join in. Spill for the amusement of us all.
*It’s clear the woman is a little “older” as she has false teeth. I assumed the part about calling her kids for bail money.
**I was not aware that false teeth were removed from someone taken into custody. Biting hazard? Possible suicide aide? I’m not clear on rationale for this.