What does your dog say?

Bad News: It appears that nobody really knows what the fox says. He could be spouting verses from the Satanic bible or quoting great literature. He could also be thinking, “Don’t release the hounds!”

Good News (sort of): We may soon know what our dogs say. Swedish researchers, inspired by the movie Up (“Squirrel!”) are working on a machine which would translate your dog’s sounds into words by use of EEG sensoring, micro-computing, and brain-computer interface software. The machine is called “No More Woof” and will allow your dog to freely express aloud such thoughts as, “I’m hungry — but I don’t like this!” and “Who is that woman; she looks nice!” They also want to produce a more uncensored version to allow your dog to express his inappropriate thoughts as well. (And you were embarrassed when your dog was “overly friendly” with house guests during mating season. Soon, Fido will have the ability to actually say what he’s thinking in those unguarded moments. Ah, technology!)

I could probably tell you most of what our elder statesman, Toby, is thinking, but hearing Chloe’s thoughts would probably cause my brain to explode through my ears. She’s blonde in every sense of the word.

Not really Chloe, but it looks (and sounds) like her.

Not really Chloe, but it looks (and sounds) like her.

This is SO Toby when he hears Larry's car coming up the driveway.

This is SO Toby when he hears Larry’s car coming up the driveway.

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9 thoughts on “What does your dog say?

  1. Laura Hile

    So is accurate honesty the best policy for translation? “Gee, I like you!” and “You’re the best human ever!” would perhaps be more palatable than what the dog might truly think of me.

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    1. Robin Helm Post author

      Absolutely not! I shudder to think what my dogs might really think of me, though I’m fairly certain Chloe doesn’t think anything.

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      1. Laura Hile

        But animals DO think. In words and everything! And to our shame, we humans so easily lose our temper.

        [Numbers 22:27] When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat it with his staff. [28] Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?”

        And Balaam stupidly overreacts.

        [29] Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.”

        I’d rather not have an exchange like this with my cat.

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        1. Robin Helm Post author

          I wonder if they all think, or if God gave Balaam’s donkey the gift of language for that specific time. I know the animals in the Garden of Eden must have talked. After all, Eve didn’t run when the serpent talked to her. If a snake talked to me, I’d have a heart attack.

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  2. Sophia Rose

    Oh my, no! I really don’t want to know. We’ve had dogs my whole life and I’ve had no trouble working out their needs and even their wants, but I don’t want the deets.

    LOL!

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    1. Robin Helm Post author

      The same thing here, Susan. Chloe tries to go into the bathroom with me on all occasions. I have to trick her to get in there by myself. Fortunately, she’s not very bright and, therefore, she’s easy to trick.

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Why yes, we DO want a piece of your mind. ;-)

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