Bad News: It appears that nobody really knows what the fox says. He could be spouting verses from the Satanic bible or quoting great literature. He could also be thinking, “Don’t release the hounds!”
Good News (sort of): We may soon know what our dogs say. Swedish researchers, inspired by the movie Up (“Squirrel!”) are working on a machine which would translate your dog’s sounds into words by use of EEG sensoring, micro-computing, and brain-computer interface software. The machine is called “No More Woof” and will allow your dog to freely express aloud such thoughts as, “I’m hungry — but I don’t like this!” and “Who is that woman; she looks nice!” They also want to produce a more uncensored version to allow your dog to express his inappropriate thoughts as well. (And you were embarrassed when your dog was “overly friendly” with house guests during mating season. Soon, Fido will have the ability to actually say what he’s thinking in those unguarded moments. Ah, technology!)
I could probably tell you most of what our elder statesman, Toby, is thinking, but hearing Chloe’s thoughts would probably cause my brain to explode through my ears. She’s blonde in every sense of the word.