Foiled by the Brain Helpers

Photo Credit: Abie Sudiono (Creative Commons)

Photo Credit: Abie Sudiono (Creative Commons)

It’s bad enough to stumble through life with a partially functioning brain. But have you noticed how many “Don’t Forget Me” Helpers there are?

You know, those “smart” devices with the tiny beeping alarms. Is it a text? Is it the security alarm? Are terrorists lurking with a bomb?

No, it’s an appliance. And it has something to say.

“I’m done with my task, stupid. Don’t forget me.” Welcome to the memory-free future.

  • The seat belt has an alarm.
  • So does the coffee maker.
  • Ditto for the iron and the microwave.
  • My tablet and phone sound off when fully charged.
  • Dang, even the photocopier beeps at me. “Don’t forget!”

I’d almost prefer a teenager. You recall how it was. In middle school we became the remembering half of our busy moms’ brain, right? How we used to roll our eyes.

Except that teenagers cannot spell. I can, but you’d never know it by looking at Facebook. You see, I have a Spelling Helper. Happy joy.

Yes, my Kindle Fire thinks I am a hopeless illiterate, and it corrects what I post. What it assumes is a lot.

Photo: Eli Christman (Creative Commons)

Photo Credit: Eli Christman (Creative Commons)

“Tonia,” I wrote in the dialog box. “No,” said Kindle. “You must mean Sonia.” And that’s what showed up.

“Alexa,” I spelled out, letter-by-letter. And that’s what displayed, so I pushed Post. “Ha,” said Kindle. “I’ve got your back! You fool, it’s Alexander.” Thus poor Alexa changed genders.

“Deep breath,” I typed, to encourage a writing friend who entered a contest. “Idiot! Deep does not breathe,” said Kindle. “But deer do.”

Thus “deer breath” is what my poor friend saw. And everyone else. Gah!

So here’s to the Brain Helpers. If I haven’t messed up, they’re sure to do it for me.

What not-so-smart Helpers have you encountered? Have they ruined your life? Do tell.

9 thoughts on “Foiled by the Brain Helpers

  1. Laura Hile Post author

    I never enabled auto spell for texting, so the Kindle is my first experience with it. As I type, it guesses which word I’m trying for and offers suggestions—like one of those hovering “helicopter parents” to help me think. I’m learning to tap on the word I want. Because what I see is not always what I get once I hit the Post button.

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      1. Robin Helm

        I know. What’s up with that? I’m glad my Android device has “learned” much of my vocabulary and syntax now. Typing on the leprechaun is just about impossible.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  2. Susan Kaye

    I don’t have an auto-correcting devices. I use T-9 on my phone for texting, but the model I have now is terribly lazy and doesn’t suggest anything. I do like the beep of the coffee pot though. I’d forget I’d even bothered if it wasn’t there.

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    1. Laura Hile Post author

      The Kindle Fire is my first experience with auto-correct. What boggles my mind is that it corrects as it posts, and I do not see the corrections on my screen until after. In very small font, right?

      I do like the beep for the iron, and most especially that it shuts off after being idle. How many times in earlier years have I rushed back home to check the iron?

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      Reply

Why yes, we DO want a piece of your mind. ;-)

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