It’s bad enough to stumble through life with a partially functioning brain. But have you noticed how many “Don’t Forget Me” Helpers there are?
You know, those “smart” devices with the tiny beeping alarms. Is it a text? Is it the security alarm? Are terrorists lurking with a bomb?
No, it’s an appliance. And it has something to say.
“I’m done with my task, stupid. Don’t forget me.” Welcome to the memory-free future.
- The seat belt has an alarm.
- So does the coffee maker.
- Ditto for the iron and the microwave.
- My tablet and phone sound off when fully charged.
- Dang, even the photocopier beeps at me. “Don’t forget!”
I’d almost prefer a teenager. You recall how it was. In middle school we became the remembering half of our busy moms’ brain, right? How we used to roll our eyes.
Except that teenagers cannot spell. I can, but you’d never know it by looking at Facebook. You see, I have a Spelling Helper. Happy joy.
Yes, my Kindle Fire thinks I am a hopeless illiterate, and it corrects what I post. What it assumes is a lot.
“Tonia,” I wrote in the dialog box. “No,” said Kindle. “You must mean Sonia.” And that’s what showed up.
“Alexa,” I spelled out, letter-by-letter. And that’s what displayed, so I pushed Post. “Ha,” said Kindle. “I’ve got your back! You fool, it’s Alexander.” Thus poor Alexa changed genders.
“Deep breath,” I typed, to encourage a writing friend who entered a contest. “Idiot! Deep does not breathe,” said Kindle. “But deer do.”
Thus “deer breath” is what my poor friend saw. And everyone else. Gah!
So here’s to the Brain Helpers. If I haven’t messed up, they’re sure to do it for me.
What not-so-smart Helpers have you encountered? Have they ruined your life? Do tell.