Advice for the upwardly-mobile Miss from Persuasion’s Sir Walter Elliot.
My Dear Vulgarian Miss,
Christmas, Valentine’s, and now Easter—the candy displays are everywhere. So I thought we’d best have a little chat about that luscious and much-adored treat, chocolate.
It has been said that chocolate is a girl’s best friend. It is the Inexpensive Therapist, no appointment necessary. Chocolate calms nerves, subdues sorrows, and patches together a broken heart. It also relieves menopausal symptoms, although I would not know. (Even if I were a woman, I am not at all old enough to experience those.)
In my day chocolate was often served as a hot drink, available only to those of discerning taste who were willing to stand the expense. In your modern times, chocolate candy is accessible to everyone. But unless you are prepared to spend weeks at the gym, it is best to indulge sparingly.
Chocolate’s health advantages add to its appeal.
- Dark chocolate may benefit the circulatory system.
- It can supposedly boost cognitive abilities.
- Consumption of dark chocolate could contribute to a lower body mass index.
- The flavonoids in chocolate make it a natural laxative. (A good thing? Debatable.)
You are allowed three decadent bites, my dear. Then it is time to face chocolate’s dark side:
- Lead poisoning!
- Kidney stones!
In your bid to marry well, be aware of what chocolate can do to the size of your tummy and hips. And remember that Spandex, while tempting, is no solution to over-indulgence. Just because fat is immobilized does not make it any less unsightly.
Your gentleman no doubt enjoys gifting you with chocolates (let us hope not of the dime-store variety). As with flowers, encourage him to send them to the office instead of to your home. In this way you can enjoy the envy of your coworkers, a definite bonus. And how much nicer it is to share your bounty with everyone, rather than, say, eating them all as you sit alone in front of your television.
Cordially yours in the upward climb,
Sir Walter Elliot, Bart.
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then does not hurt.”
~ Charles M. Schultz
“Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.”
~ Dave Barry
~ For more advice from Sir Walter, click on his image ~
Copyright (c) Laura Hile, 2015