For the Man Who has it ALL

Sir Walter Elliot,
Born, March 1, 1760
Married, Elizabeth Stevenson, July 15, 1784
2015 – 231 yrs anniversary

question+mark_2158 What do you give the couple who has it all? Sir Walter and Lady Elliot are after all, fiction. The may, simultaneously, have everything and nothing. The gentleman would certainly like more money. But if he had all he wanted, he would not be pursuing the pleasures of Bath and we would have no story. Lady Elliot would probably like to be alive. Though managing her husband’s ego was a full-time job in the early years would now be a job of epic proportions.

Anyway, at JSI we has a little discussion about what would you buy a couple who are celebrating their 231st wedding anniversary.

You can write to various agencies in government and depending on the country of residence, can get a letter from a queen, a president, governor, or probably the mayor of your town, congratulating the happy couple on their achievement. And yes, I think that just surviving some relationships for several years constitutes achievement. Sir Walter would not be impressed after ascertaining the document was rendered on a printer and the paper mere 30% recycled. I can imagine he’d scuttle to the Internet and look up photos of the senders. He’d give the Queen her due, all bets are off on the rest. Any judgments would be in keeping with the official’s skin texture, clothing, and denticulation.


“I’m doing this for YOU, my dear!”

Laura Hile suggested he would give Lady Elliot a certificate to a medi spa. Before you start saying it’s rude and thoughtless to give a woman of such years–Lady Elliot will be approximately 250 years old this year–a pointed jab at her appearance, I have to tell you the certificate is for him. Walt is a peach of a guy and willing to endure the sucking, lasaring, pulling, and tucking so as to improve her view of the world. I think it’s a great idea and in keeping with his orientation. When you are the center of the universe, you see the value in that sort of thing.

I’m torn. My first impression is like Laura to throw a gift certificate at it and be done. However, there are no restaurants issuing such that would please the Baronet. Imagine him at Outback Steakhouse or Olive Garden. See what I mean? I could go with a Visa or Mastercard gift card but then I face the problem of presentation.

Presentation is vital to man like Walt. gaudy_giftwrap(He’d pop a vein if he knew I was calling him Walt. Hence the continuation.) The more space a gift takes up, the better it is. As a child, who was more likely to fall for the British version of “I’ll trade you this big thick nickel for that teeny, tiny dime,” Sir Walter or Anne? So, shiny, eco-unfriendly paper swaddling a humongous, gaudy box and frothy ribbon trailing over all it is!

What do you give the Sir Walters in your life. Come on, I know you have them. Gag gifts? Gift certificates? A wincing look when they bring up the missed occasion? Let us know. Your tactics in this social landmine situation will be much appreciated.


4 thoughts on “For the Man Who has it ALL

  1. Robin Helm

    Hmmm . . . a gift for Sir Walter. What do you get for the man who has everything and hasn’t paid for anything? What can you buy for a man so fixated on himself? Another mirror? A ticket to Les Miserables so that he can sleep through the performance? Ah! I have it! A Persuasion variation that puts him in a favorable light.

    Wait! There aren’t any.


    1. Susan Kaye Post author

      Walt is interesting. Laura Hile writes the ridiculous Walt like a hilarious dream. He makes me so mad I can spit so writing him is unpleasant. I wrote him for a couple of scenes in A Plan of His Own Making and those came out well. Writing a sympathetic Walt takes him out of the rotation of characters-we-love-to-hate. And that is a waste.


    1. Susan Kaye Post author

      I’m betting that if you left Gowland’s Lotion on a little too long, you’d get these results. And any number of other, unpleasant side effects!



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