Stuck between a possum and a spider

Not the smile he was expecting! Photo: Daniel Johnson (Creative Commons Flickr)

Not the most welcoming smile! Photo: Daniel Johnson (Creative Commons Flickr)

“You have got to be kidding me.” That’s how my Nathan put it.  Grad school study exhaustion is one thing, but nocturnes too? Right at the front door?

“I’m day shift, he’s night shift.” Humans and nocturnes might share the same living space, but we aren’t supposed to cross paths. In the middle of the night, nobody wants to stumble on an opossum. Those teeth, that creepy rat tail, the hissing…

“So I had to stand there, because you know how slow opossums are.”  Nathan waited while it scuttled away, swaying on his feet from no sleep and too much coffee.

Volunteer Doorman? Photo: David Lee (Creative Commons Flickr)

Self-appointed doorman! Photo: David Lee (Creative Commons Flickr)

“Dude, really?” Not done yet! Another hungry hunter barred Nathan’s way. A spider–the fat kind with long legs–had built a web right in the door frame. So Nathan had to hunt around for a stick to clear the way.

“It figures. The two things I hate most.” Nathan hates spiders, like really hates them. And opossums are not high on his list either, not since chasing one around his friend’s kitchen. Also in the middle of the night.

“There was another spider on the living room wall, but I went upstairs.” This shows how exhausted Nathan was, because he is our vigilant spider hunter. If spiders come inside, he wants them dead. Want to know how much he loathes them? The other day he was wondering if there was a way for spiders to get out of a vacuum bag.

Thus a new saying has been born. See, there’s no creep factor in “Stuck between a rock and a hard place.” So when I’m wiped out and things get scary bad, I’m using “Stuck between a possum and a spider.”

Laura Hile (1)

5 thoughts on “Stuck between a possum and a spider

  1. Crystal Thieringer (@cdthieringer)

    I’ve never seen a possum, at least I don’t think I have. Spiders however? I’m with Nathan. When my first marriage fell apart, I handled everything–and I mean everything–until the day I had to handle my first spider. That’s the day I fell apart. And that’s also the day I knew I was going to be okay.

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  2. Susan Kaye

    I’m the spider killer here. I hate the idea of what’s happening after I grab them with a Kleenex and grind my fingers together. Sometimes, as I walk quickly to the trash can, I envision them crawling, all jangly and busted out of the Kleeex to grab me, and slam me to the floor.

    Possums are creepy but manageable. I dislike raccoons more. Those little black hands reaching out …

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  3. Robin Helm

    You’re learning Southern speak. “Stuck between a possum and a spider” definitely makes the Southern list. Pretty much anything with possums, squirrels, or mules could be Southern.

    I despise spiders. If we have one in the house, I call Larry. He catches the offender and puts it outside (I don’t check for gender). If he isn’t home, Mr. Spider meets Mr. Raid.

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  4. childofaslan

    I like the new phrase. It works. Though I really do sorta like possums–poor sweet ugly things. I don’t like it when they hiss, but they almost never do that to me. Usually they just blink at me to see if I’m gonna back down, and when they process that I’m not moving, they resign themselves, turn around, and waddle-lumber away. As for spiders, I find them absolutely fascinating…but I don’t want to coexist in the same space with them. I respect life…but only up to a point.

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Why yes, we DO want a piece of your mind. ;-)

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