Men are a little bit blind

“I was six weeks with Edward,” he said, “and saw him happy. I could have no other pleasure. I deserved none. He enquired after you very particularly; asked even if you were personally altered, little suspecting that to my eyes you could never alter.”  Chapter 23, Persuasion

Just after meeting up with Anne Elliot again, Wentworth said that she was so altered he would not have known her. But we also know that guys say a lot of things they don’t mean. Whether to stay out of trouble or make themselves look better, who knows. Women are prone to this as well, but usually for more complicated reasons. Men also have the ability to overlook a lot. They can walk around the same plate and glass on an end table for weeks if no one mentions them. I think this offhand comment was in the same vein as Darcy’s in P&P, said to look clever but never meant to be heard by the object.

The other day I was reading a blog post about many men not noticing when their wives change a lot over time. The example was of a man who married a beauty queen and she lost her looks over the course of their 40 plus-year marriage. He said he only noticed the change in her face and body when he saw how others looked at her. But when they were home, alone, she was his lovely beauty queen.  The author of the blog is newly widowed and he said it was the same for him, and that he was pretty certain that his memories of his late wife will be ever green.

This bit of mental magic is alive and well in my own marriage. I’m considerably heavier than I was when Bill and I married 38 years ago. That doesn’t matter to him, he’s never said anything that can be construed as disappointment. And that’s why we’re heading for No 39 in a few weeks.

I like to think that Frederick was telling Edward the truth while his comment early on was just palaver you say to fill the time when you meet new people. We all get a little precious when we are trying to make a good impression. Maybe I’m all wet. I hope not. I like having a bit of a fairy tale world to retreat to these days.

Take care.



5 thoughts on “Men are a little bit blind

  1. Laura Hile

    It’s a strange thing, how dear old friends age. When I’m with girls I’ve known since our children were young, I don’t truly see them as they are now. Oh, I get a glimpse of a 58-year-old face, but it’s like the 30-year-old face is superimposed over that. Maybe I’m seeing the eyes? The expressions? The inside of them rather than the outside? To me, my friends will always be young and lovely.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Susan Kaye Post author

      For me, people are just as they are. I don”t remember the past all that much. Maybe when I see a fashion style creeping back into vogue and I remember when it was the uniform of the day for most of us. But, one I’ve done a fad, I’m free from repeats. I saw a documentary the other day about how technology is changing our brains and thought patterns. They showed a woman in a virtual reality experiment using VR to look at 3-D images of her and her infant some 10 months later. She said coming away from those past views and the memories of them were hard. I suppose if we all had VR images of our younger selves, we could be in a lot of trouble.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Susan Kaye Post author

        Probably not. I’ve know Laura Hile for muffle muffle muffle and when I think of her I remember her as I last saw her. I have a lousy memory for faces AND events. A two-edged sword if there ever was one.


  2. Pingback: Men are a little bit blind – Period Drama Land

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