Category Archives: Marrying Well for Fun and Profit

The Nerd in search of a Dinner Date

Beneath that pocket protector beats a sincere heart!

Seeking a date for Valentine’s Day?  Jane Austen’s Sir Walter Elliot points you in an unlikely direction.

Enjoy this excerpt from Sir Walter’s new advice e-book, Marrying Well for Fun & Profit:

OOO

Sir Walter is over the moon. He finally has a book all to himself.

Soon to be a bestseller, of course… according to Sir Walter

My Dear Vulgarian Miss,

As winter begins to flee, a particular sort of male emerges from hibernation. I refer to the Nerd in search of a Valentine’s dinner date.

As a modern woman you are familiar with the type. Highly intelligent, the Nerd spends countless hours at a desk, often with nothing but a computer, a caffeinated beverage, and the light from his desk lamp to keep him warm.

You laugh at him behind your hand, for he is a witless wonder when it comes to courtship. Alas, the gentleman’s art of sophisticated flirtation is beyond him.

Image: Betsy Weber (Creative Commons Flickr)

Image: Betsy Weber (Creative Commons Flickr)

But my dear, consider carefully before you disregard him as a suitor. For while ‘nerd’ is certainly a four-letter word, it is usually accompanied by a six-figure income.

Think Bill Gates, but on a smaller scale.

In social situations the poor fellow will be tongue-tied by your beauty, so it is best to prepare for a conversational disaster. No doubt he will be fortified with compliments, calculated to charm and beguile. Do your best not to laugh when he employs one of these timeworn pick-up lines…

I less than three you. 'nuff said. <3 Image: John Nakamura Remy (Creative Commons Flickr)

“I less than three you.”  ❤
Image: John Nakamura Remy (Creative Commons Flickr)

  • ‘Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!’
  • ‘Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF…’
  • ‘I wish I was an ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.’
  • ‘You must be an asymptote; I just find myself getting closer and closer to you.’
  • ‘Forget hydrogen, you’re my number one element!’
  • ‘My sudden, protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you.
  • ‘Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I’m around you.’
  • ‘If you were a graphics calculator, I’d look at your curves all day long!’
  • ‘Why don’t you join me on World of Warcraft tomorrow? I’ll even give you my avatar’s name.’
Image: Betsy Weber (Creative Commons Flickr)

Image: Betsy Weber (Creative Commons Flickr)

Remember, my dear, that a sincere heart beats beneath that pocket protector. And that six-figure income on the tax return is easy on the eyes, even if he is not.

Cordially yours in the upward climb,

Sir Walter Elliot

 

NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life.
Unfortunately, it won’t date them either.
STEPHEN COLBERT

OOO

Want more of Sir Walter’s wit and wisdom?
Such a deal at 99 cents!
Marrying Well for Fun & Profit at Amazon

Laura Hile (1)

New Release: Marrying Well for Fun & Profit

Sir Walter is over the moon. He finally has a book all to himself.

Soon to be a bestseller, of course

At last, after years of being misunderstood and maligned I, Sir Walter Elliot, finally have the spotlight. That is to say, my very own advice e-book.

And you need advice, dear reader, if you are to move up the social ladder. Do you wish to remain ordinary? Of course not! But marrying well — and improving your family’s gene pool in the process — is not as easy as it appears.

Why fade into the social landscape, like my daughter Anne? Wouldn’t you rather make an impression? Wouldn’t you rather attract a handsome man, who is also a man of means and good breeding?

I will show you how. My e-book is bursting with wise and witty nuggets. It’s just the thing to accompany your morning cup of coffee or tea.

A hit of caffeine and a dose of social sagacity. What could be better?

All this could be yours, if you know the way.

All this could be yours, if you know the way.

Youth and beauty are fleeting, my dear.  Allow me to help you to make the most of them.

Here is the purchase link to Amazon. In my humble opinion, the decimal place should be nudged over several places. But Laura Hile assures me that I could make up the difference in sales volume. Well, of course!

As always, I remain,

Cordially yours in the upward climb,

Sir Walter Elliot

Laura Hile (1)