Beneath that pocket protector beats a sincere heart!
Seeking a date for Valentine’s Day? Jane Austen’s Sir Walter Elliot points you in an unlikely direction.
Enjoy this excerpt from Sir Walter’s new advice e-book, Marrying Well for Fun & Profit:
My Dear Vulgarian Miss,
As winter begins to flee, a particular sort of male emerges from hibernation. I refer to the Nerd in search of a Valentine’s dinner date.
As a modern woman you are familiar with the type. Highly intelligent, the Nerd spends countless hours at a desk, often with nothing but a computer, a caffeinated beverage, and the light from his desk lamp to keep him warm.
You laugh at him behind your hand, for he is a witless wonder when it comes to courtship. Alas, the gentleman’s art of sophisticated flirtation is beyond him.
But my dear, consider carefully before you disregard him as a suitor. For while ‘nerd’ is certainly a four-letter word, it is usually accompanied by a six-figure income.
Think Bill Gates, but on a smaller scale.
In social situations the poor fellow will be tongue-tied by your beauty, so it is best to prepare for a conversational disaster. No doubt he will be fortified with compliments, calculated to charm and beguile. Do your best not to laugh when he employs one of these timeworn pick-up lines…
- ‘Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!’
- ‘Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF…’
- ‘I wish I was an ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.’
- ‘You must be an asymptote; I just find myself getting closer and closer to you.’
- ‘Forget hydrogen, you’re my number one element!’
- ‘My sudden, protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you.
- ‘Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I’m around you.’
- ‘If you were a graphics calculator, I’d look at your curves all day long!’
- ‘Why don’t you join me on World of Warcraft tomorrow? I’ll even give you my avatar’s name.’
Remember, my dear, that a sincere heart beats beneath that pocket protector. And that six-figure income on the tax return is easy on the eyes, even if he is not.
Cordially yours in the upward climb,
Sir Walter Elliot
NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life.
Unfortunately, it won’t date them either.
Want more of Sir Walter’s wit and wisdom?
Such a deal at 99 cents!
Marrying Well for Fun & Profit at Amazon